Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
