well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
