My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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