I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
