I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
