He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
