you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
