How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
