I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
