dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think my fart just growled at me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
