you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
