When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
