Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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