I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
