The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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