I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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