Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
