I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
