Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
