his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
