Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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