just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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