Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
