a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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