Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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