im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
