I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
A bitchslap is in order.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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