I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
