how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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