Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
