DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
