I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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