it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
