so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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