We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
