she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
