1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
