Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
