She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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