Buhtt sex?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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