I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
