You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
