Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
