I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Randomize
