I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
