When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
