Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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