Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
