You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
