Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
